Bradley brought a homework assignment that Krystal said I would need to help with. As this has been a busier than normal work week, I wasn’t too excited about the prospect of helping with homework, but that’s life as a new parent.
We have been very transparent about our new family situation. We are #surpriseparents, and I’ve mentioned it quite a bit on my social media and on the podcast I help with at work. We are also very transparent with Bradley’s teachers about this past year; he mom divorced his stepfather in early 2020, my father in law (and his pseudo-grandfather) died in November 2020, and his mom died in March 2021. Family is not a comfortable or easy conversation for Bradley to have, much less make it a homework assignment.
Aside from Bradley, Krystal doesn’s find the topic to be easy, either. Her mom didn’t share who her biological father was until she was 21, so the man she was raised by, thinking it was her father, wasn’t. It’s even more painful for her now; cut short by COVID. She was eager to take my last name because she had no blood relation to the man whose name she received on her birth certificate.
Krystal asked me to help with this assignment because she and Bradley are (and will soon be) Blands.
The Bland family has a long ass history. Seriously. The Blands were one of the First Families of Virginia; which are prominent families that helped with the growth of one of the first colonies in the mid to late 1600s. There’s a county named Bland in southwestern Virginia. Richard Bland College is a junior college to the College of William and Mary. We were in the House of Burgesses, the Continental Congress, and Richard Bland is listed as one of the Founding Fathers of the United States. They were probably all assholes, too.
I am proud to be a Bland. We helped start this fucked up country, even if it is fucked up. And my family has lists of shitty things we’ve all done, but not every family can stroll up to cemetaries and find ancestors that date back as far as the 1700s.
So I’m proud to share my last name with Krystal and Bradley. I used to want to cut off the bloodline - I’ve seen the mental health issues that plagued my family and went untreated. I’ve heard stories of the feuds we’ve had with other families, the narcissism… all things that every family has. But I’m now excited that Bradley will continue to keep the Bland family going (our line, at least).
Since we are a blended little family, with baggage and lots of feelings, we turned that assignment into something that brought past and present together. Here is what we came up with:
What are your families beliefs? We believe in honesty and respect.
What types of music, art, or culture does your family listen to? Bluegrass
What are the gender roles in your family? Do men and women have different roles? Everyone is equal!
What religion is your family? None (The Blands historically are potluck Methodists)
What is a food that is a tradition for your family? Deviled eggs, banana bread (I wanted to add Lemon Meringue Pie, but Bradley got stuck on deviled lol)
What holidays are important to your family? Christmas, Independence Day
Family cannot always keep traditions or hold onto the rules of the past. We have to adapt. I love the Bland history, but I love creating new family traditions and values, too.
Here’s to the kid that will keep the Bland family going.